The True Story of Kai the Hitchhiker Book Released

In just over a calendar year, I went from hearing the news from RAW TV in London that they would be making a Kai the Hitchhiker documentary. I swiftly got to work, compiling my previous interviews, research, notes and documents, conducting new interviews, chasing new leads until this week when the ebook just showed up online. Meanwhile, did an interview with Savannah from Guilt by Corruption today that will hopefully be online soon. Next week I will be recording an episode for William Ramsey Investigates and have a handful of other shows that are interested in getting me on in the next few weeks as well. Hardcover print version of the book should be available any day now and in a few months we will release paperback which will hopefully offer another opportunity for a round of promotion.

Will keep everybody updated here, but we are also updating An FAQ is coming soon and I’ve got an outline for an article and video (think CinemaSins style “Everything Wrong with Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker in X Minutes”) that should be coming very soon as well. You can still donate to support the book for now. This will help cover cost of ads and promotional services that could help us get more eyes on this case.

True Story of Kai the Hitchhiker Interview with Ricky Varandas

I returned to Ricky Varandas’ The Ripple Effect podcast where, this time to talk about my latest book Smash, Smash, Smash: the true story of Kai the Hitchhiker. Tomorrow morning I should be recording an interview with Fiona Dodwell who did the first published review of the book and I just returned responses for an email interview at Edgar Award Winning mystery and thriller author Mindy McGinnis’ blog.

Wednesday I’ll be recording with Savannah at Guilt by Corruption podcast and hopefully by Wednesday or Thursday copies will begin to be printed. We had an epub validation error that held things up but hopefully no more QC errors and will have the book available for sale with major retailers. You can buy the digital book (epub, mobi or pdf) and pre-order audiobook or signed copies of the print book at as well.$/embed/@therippleeffectpodcast:d/The-Ripple-Effect-Podcast–449:8?r=yzbWzwXyLGEH6jTumHWCH53zeYeBVUvp

Smash, Smash, Smash vs Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker with That’s So F****d Up podcast

It was my pleasure to be a guest on That’s So F****d Up podcast yesterday. You can see it on Instagram right now at Michelle and Ashley were kind enough to have me on the show to talk about Smash, Smash, Smash: the true story of Kai the Hitchhiker and the disparity between what the record shows that I’ve reported versus the prosecutors’ claims in Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker from RAW TV Ltd and Netflix. You can also watch the interview here on YouTube.

Remember to check out as well for links to the materials I cite in the book and end notes, links to Kai’s petitions, fundraiser and social media, all my articles from here at, sample chapters from the book and a link to the Indiegogo where you can pre-order the print book and get the digital delivered same day!

First Book Review of Smash, Smash, Smash, Livestream with BZ Douglas and TSFU Podcast

Fiona Dodwell wrote an article about how Netflix’s Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker documentary seemed potentially exploitative. I reached out to her shortly after seeing it to offer her a digital advance review copy of Smash, Smash, Smash: the true story of Kai the Hitchhiker my new book. She has just published the first review online for the book! In other book-related news, I also appeared on That’s So F****d Up podcast today live from 330pm to nearly 5pm. As soon as the podcast link arrives will share it here.

Meantime, we are getting our first backers, pre-orders and digital sales of the book coming in slowly but surely. You can check out for info on Kai’s petitions and fundraiser, the Indiegogo where you can get the book and my previous articles and interviews related to Kai. While you’re waiting for TSFU Podcast and some other to-be-announced guest spots, you can see me talk about what the Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker got wrong about the case in this livestream I did with BZ Douglas (contributor of the afterword to the book).


Well, I had my first follow-up with the surgeon. Apparently there are still some minor balance and reflex issues which are a sign that my spinal cord is still healing. I was prescribed agmatine which I had previously taken as a nootropic supplement. Hopefully it and the b vitamins and Chinese skullcap will help with the nerve regeneration. These videos are from while I was still getting my bearings back and just doing a little walking and some minor aerobics and stair steps really wore me out. I’m making sure to get some exercise and walking done each day in the meantime though.

Meanwhile, in a couple weeks I am supposed to get another x ray and see how things look from there. Hopefully then will be able to get rid of the cervical collar once and for all. Just being able to walk around has been amazing though. Here’s some short clips from the physical therapy while I was still in the hospital. I am not supposed to lift over five pounds for now and then in about a week need to keep it under 25 lbs for a couple weeks but hopefully after that should be able to get back to normal activities. Just being able to climb stairs and walk at a normal to brisk pace has been so amazing.

Speaking of amazing, since I can finally sit up and type again that means some of the writing projects I had to put on the back burner in January are finally going to be back in the works as well, so stay tuned…

pirates are everywhere! Surrender or Die! mental marauders on the high seas of cyberspace and the ports of your stream of consciousness

pirates are everywhere. it was chomsky quoting the patron saint of brewers st. augustine, who said that the basic difference between pirates and emperors are that pirates have a ship and emperors have an armada.  the notion of piracy to me, in regards to the realm of cyberspace as well as that of “meatspace,” is as intriguing as it is frightening. pirates, like any other selective society have “signals” and “totems” that set them apart from the world at large. the infamous jolly roger, the pirate’s skull and bones, were one of the most well known and feared of the hailing signs of these infamous marauders.the so-called “anonymous” legion of hackers are a great example of modern day pirates sailing the high seas of cyberspace. however, like the pirates of old, there is infighting, treachery, mistrust along with the occasional loose alliance with either some other faction of the mass of miscreants, looters, anti-authoritarians and mercenaries who fly under the same defiant sign.

for instance a group of trolls or torrenters may form occasional uneasy alliances with others flying beneath their flag or, depending on the occasion, the individual’s philosophy or the circumstance, any flag. in place of the jolly roger today we have the guy fawkes mask of 4chan borne meme “epic fail guy” and hearkening back to secret societies with their code words we have terms like “soup” and “i know what you did there.”according to Peter T. Leeson’s essay “Pirational Choice: The Economics of Infamous PiratePractices” (a discussion of “the economics of famous pirate practices” as viewed through the lens of economics and games theory), “Pirates earn their largest payoff when the merchantman doesn’t resist them and they don’t slaughter its crew. Pirates take the target without a costly fight. Further, they contribute to a reputation for kindness to cooperative targets. Pirates earn a smaller payoff if the merchantman surrenders but pirates slaughter its crewmembers anyway. Pirates take the target without a costly fight but they damage their reputation for kindness to cooperative targets. Pirates earn a still smaller payoff if the merchantman resists and they slaughter its crew in response. In this case pirates engage in a costly conflict, but they contribute to a reputation for mercilessness toward uncooperative targets. Pirates earn their smallest payoff if the merchantman resists but pirates ‘wimp out’ and don’t slaughter its crew as punishment. Pirates suffer a costly conflict. Further, they damage their reputation for mercilessness toward resistant targets.”

pirates jolly roger anonymous
Pirates of Penzance, Act I finale, The Jolly Roger raised

the world is a mass of gangs who at the highest levels are, if not in league, at least gentlemanly, or rather, economically shrewd enough to realize that though a bit of healthily blooodthirsty competition coordinated amongst the numerous gangs involved will lead to reputation building within the cadre for the secured thugs in whatever field, be it the security state, organized crime, fraternal secret orders, street gangs, high profile corporations, politicians and various national, political and/or ideological coalitions struggling for a mass of (in the new century) not just market share, but the all important currency of “mind share.” perhaps the rise in interest in the idea of an all-controlling group like “the illuminati” comes from a gestalt arising from the reality of multiple power brokers (pirates) sailing the seas of cyberspace (and from that sea of cyberspace often directly through multiple varied streams of consciousness) in a sort of collusion as they cast lots over the contents of our psyches via shared symbols and manipulation of fears and aspirations of sub-groups of the populace.

mind share, if you weren’t familiar, is a creepy bit of marketing/advertising terminology that’s about as nefarious as it sounds. Instead of being all focused on controlling the market share and amassing purely material capital, we’ve entered an age where having a greater “mind share” is preferable to market share, i.e. Pepsi Cola has a narrowly smaller market share worldwide and is actually making greater gains as of last fiscal season* compared to Coca Cola which has a respectable but not commanding lead in shares and net revenue. However as per mind share, Coca Cola wins hands down. in short, they’re not merely after our wallets anymore, now they want our heads and hearts.

here’s how this works: what bandage company has the largest mind share? Band-aid brand. what flavored gelatin producer has the most share in the collective consumer mind? Jell-o, and like these three previously mentioned classics, Coca Cola is also practically eponymous as the prototypical and quintessential eponymous cola product. being from small town tennessee i’m fairly used to hearing folks ask for a “coke” when they could be requesting anything from a dr pepper to a sprite or a root beer.

“Pirates earn their largest payoff when the merchantman doesn’t resist them and they don’t slaughter its crew. Pirates take the target without a costly fight. Further, they contribute to a reputation for kindness to cooperative targets. Pirates earn a smaller payoff if the merchantman surrenders but pirates slaughter its crewmembers anyway. Pirates take the target without a costly fight but they damage their reputation for kindness to cooperative targets. Pirates earn a still smaller payoff if the merchantman resists and they slaughter its crew in response. In this case pirates engage in a costly conflict, but they contribute to a reputation for mercilessness toward uncooperative targets. Pirates earn their smallest payoff if the merchantman resists but pirates ‘wimp out’ and don’t slaughter its crew as punishment. Pirates suffer a costly conflict. Further, they damage their reputation for mercilessness toward resistant targets.”

the Net is a Sea loaded with gold including a new currency for the new millennium. bullion, here at the beginning of the first quarter of the new century in this new millennial age, is still the “gold standard” for wealth, but info brokering for the purposes of consumer research, trend forecasting, predictive analytics within the realm of the burgeoning field of data mining (there’s gold in them thar’ algorithms). “big data”  may soon keep pace with the “dinosaurs” of the petrofueled “big oil” In addition with the revolutions in communications, as web3.0 (UbikWeb as I call it, as it will be practically ubiquitous within and without of the home) is rolled out, there appears before us a wireless wonderland for the “users” to gladly offer up their personalities to be profiled and comparatively analyzed alongside the larger field of their surrounding culture.

The the world of UbikWeb is one where Isaac Aasimov’s fictional science of “Psychohistory” which melded history, psychology and statistics to predict overall patterns in populations is becoming closer to a reality. The the basic idea is that, for instance, one can’t perfectly predict the behavior of a single helium molecule outside of a vacuum, but the general movement of a helium gas cloud could be fairly well foreseen. which brings us to predictive analytics, the boon of “big data.” that is the holy grail for social media marketers, media moguls, law enforcement and government agents. The the trend for law enforcement to use “fusion centers” for “receipt, analysis, gathering, and sharing of threat-related information between the federal government and state, local, tribal, territorial (SLTT) and private sector partners” is an example of the department of homeland security’s utilization of this new field. this was supposedly what “strategic forecasting” aka “stratfor” was aiming towards. using predictive software and commercial mass surveillance (which is a multi-billion dollar industry) before being exposed by “hacktivists,” speaking once again of our aforementioned modern day pirates the “anonymous” hacker gang. this technology and it’s use aren’t going away any time soon, the payoffs are too great for those involved. besides, in a society that’s “amusing ourselves to death” in the words of neil postman, eventually leading towards “descent into computer aided unconsciousness and consumer fascism” as NYU’s Douglas Rushkoff (author of 1995’s “media virus” one of the first book length works to tackle the topic of viral media) puts it, and it seems as if we may be heading right there into a world where our every move and public comment are cataloged and scrutinized in order to influence and predict our future thoughts and

Surrender or Die, was the cry of the ( mostly unrelated excepting their mutual use of the fear inspiring emblem of the skull and crossbones) black legions who branded themselves as mercenaries to be dealt with on their terms, or suffer dire consequences. similarly today big banks, multimedia institutions, corporations, governments and others are amassing, hoarding and hiding the treasure troves of what cnbc has called “the sexiest job of the 21st century”  and one of the most in demand fields to work in. surrender or die, is the cry of the varying groups who would like to control data, influence future trends and most effectively engage in civilian perception management  as mapped out in the 90’s air force document “new world vistas” . see also cass sunnstein, (author of “on rumours” and formerly of the “office of information and regulatory affairs”) a proponent of Infiltrative Disinformation Tactics termed “cognitive infiltration” in regards to the growing community of “truthers,” “alex jonesians” and other subscribers to any but the “official story” that’s been standardized, broadcast and purposefully doctored and formulated for a specific behavioural outcome within the desired target “belief-network.” considering his viewpoints on the use of disinformation tactics to weaken from within and discredit from without numerous alternatives to the neatly packaged bit of over-processed gruel that passes for “fact” in the mainstream media as well as the academic institutions. now,, maybe i’m just crass and i know i have a tendency to be paranoid but this strikes me as eerily similar to the model of orwell’s “ministry of truth.”

Alex Jones Infowars Hoffman Lenses they live
Hoffman lenses ftw

as the world becomes more and more standardized and we’re bombarded with more and more simulations of reality in what was already a hyperreal plastic simulacra, the smoke and mirror sideshow illusion that keeps the emperor looking clothed. taste tribes growing up around “lifestyle” brands creating convenient pigeon-hole niches to choose from any number of pre-approved and prefabricated lifestyles with accompanying uniform, mores, culture, ideals, etc. who needs a personality these days when there are so many being sold right off the rack and from such a variety of sub-genres of the massive mono-culture in it’s prismatic incarnation. the real is becoming less real. Ron Sukenick, in his novel “out,” describes the situation as being like a billboard obscuring the mountains with a billboard proudly proclaiming: “come see the mountains.”

surrender or die, cry the hordes poised upon their black binary galleons. collecting, analyzing and modifying information then regurgitating it as specifically altered pablum designed for a specific response from the various target behavioral groups and by controlling the “good data,” i.e. the truly valuable mass of information from an increasingly growing number of sources in the age of UbikWeb where a neo-luddite can’t stand a chance these days in a world where even job applications and more are often required to be filled out online. pirates are everywhere and these days may be as significant in the coming years as they were in the days of dreaded privateers. they’re still out for your head, this time they won’t take it with a cutlass but wiith the voluntarily offered information you feed to the ever hungry data banks of the “big data” mines, whose mines may one day outovulate the oil fields, diamond and gold mines that have been the kingmakers in the millennium prior.

and as for advice from your soapbox climbing evangelist? don’t lose your head.

*this article was initially written/completed circa March/April 2014.

Interview with artist/motivational speaker Shane Watson About Silverladder

Recently, long time friend and art compatriot Shane Watson reached out with me to share this video from Brazil. A YouTuber with a half million subscribers had created a nearly half hour video about the history of the Silverladder, including the early badscaryplace days where I first began correspondence with Shane. After years of writing back and forth and publishing an interview with Shane online I was once asked out of the blue if I’d be willing to take part in a sort of dada/surrealist interactive art project borrowing from Alternate Reality Game (ARG) culture. The catch? I’d be interacting with Shane’s alter ego as Shane would be dead “in the game.”

Codebreaking, steganography, interacting with “characters” from the bit of chaotic fiction we were taking part in were all big parts of the Silverladder experience but most important honestly were the connections we made, the genuine community that sprung up. After years of voice chat, emails and chat rooms it didn’t even seem that bizarre when several of us would meet in Phoenix to hang out with Shane for the weekend of November 11. (11/11 was one of several overarching “themes” that Silverladder played with).

As for exactly what Silverladder is, that’s a hard one to answer. This YouTuber actually does a pretty decent job, especially doing so from after the fact. Deconstructing the “internet mystery” as it were. I even show up briefly in some footage of the SL get together around a decade ago. If you want to check out the video below, you can click on closed captions, go to options and switch from Portugese to auto-translate and the auto-generated translation is pretty easy to understand from there. I’m also sharing here my interview with Shane below.

The following interview was conducted by freelance journalist and long-time Bad Scary Place fan Philip Fairbanks in 2004.

Philip Fairbanks: What was your inspiration for creating this? Don’t just tell me you liked Burroughs/Gysin cutups either. I’m talking about the elusive “theme,” which is quite well developed.

Shane Watson: The inspirations for the BSP are extremely varied. It began a few years back when my cousin Trey showed me a particularly surreal site on the internet. Trey has introduced me to lots of good things over the years, such as the bands Ween and Built To Spill, but I digress. He sat me down at a computer at my aunt’s house and said, “Here, check this out.” I started clicking. It was unlike anything I had seen on the internet, because up to that point, the sites I had dealt with were very straightforward and quite linear in nature. It made perfect sense to me, though.

In real life I can be a somewhat quirky, eclectic person. Although up to that point, my website hadn’t reflected that about me at all. While having *some* artistic flourishes and bizarre moments here and there, my site was pretty, well… normal. Whatever this odd site was, it got me thinking about what I hadn’t done with my site yet, and what parts of my ability to create hadn’t been unleashed on my site.

This soon mixed in with several other factors:

1. As a kid, I was a huge fan of the “Choose Your Own Adventure” book series, which you may or may not be familiar with. They give you options, and rather than being a linear (there we go with that word again) story, you come to certain pages where you get to make a choice. Based on which choice you select, you are instructed to turn to a particular page. Your choices then affect the outcome of the story.

2. While in high school, I picked up a CD called “Telecommunication Breakdown” by a losely-formed “band” (more of an art project, really) called EBN (“Emergency Broadcast Network”). The CD used a heavy amount of television samples within the music, including political speeches cut up and re-arranged in such a manner as to make it sound like people such as George Bush (Sr.) were saying things like “We will rock you.” The CD also came with some Quicktime movies that were quick-cut collages of all kinds of various TV broadcasts, movie clips, war footage, home shopping channels, self-help videos, etc. It was like a 200-channel assault of the emptiness of TV over an industrial music background. The album and the accompanying videos had a very big impact on me at the time. This group actually went on to produce the video walls for U2’s “Zoo TV” tour.

3. Other factors and influences may include game shows, the movie “Fight Club”, the movie “12 Monkeys”, Japanese pop culture, William S. Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, Las Vegas, televangelists, lucid dreaming, the constant bombardment of media from all directions, the evolution of people into consumers, psychedelia, advertising, cryptic shortwave radio broadcasts (“numbers stations”), police scanner transmissions, technology, disco balls, strobe lights, smoke machines, red wine, good beer, The “Mind’s Eye” animation series, conspiracy theories, abnormal psychology (that would be a big one), DADA, surrealism, M.C. Escher, Salvador Dali, and the music of Ween, Radiohead, David Sylvian, Holger Czukay, Robert Fripp, Trance Induction, Flaming Lips, Alice In Chains, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Bob Dylan, Air, Bjork, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, and COUNTLESS jazz and ambient music artists.

Anyway, these (and other) influences all eventually converged in my mind and led me to start what was the precursor to the BSP. While I DID have Silver Ladder Studios up on the internet at the time, I decided to make this a side project site, not affiliated with SLS. Therefore, I went and opened a cheesy little Geocities site, with pop-ups and all. The original version of the BSP wasn’t even called the Bad Scary Place, in fact it didn’t have a title. It didn’t get very big, maybe 20-25 pages deep, before I started slacking on it and quit making progress. However, not long after, the e-mail address I had listed on the Geocities site (accessed by site visitors via a picture of a bomb and the text “send me threats”) started getting hit with e-mails from people who somehow had run across the site. It was strange because I hadn’t advertised the site or submitted it to search engines or anything. But these people were e-mailing and saying how much they liked the site. Making a long story longer, I soon scrapped the Geocities site and put a re-direct link up on the Geocities page to send people to the new site within Silver Ladder Studios. I trashed all of the original pages (which I now sometimes wish I had held on to) and started from scratch.

The name Bad Scary Place comes from the type of terminology that a child might use. The use of the words “bad” and “scary” (both being quite simple and somewhat similar) right after each other gives it this kind of wide-eyed innocent naive kind of sound. It’s really more of a reference to a closet with a monster in it or something frightening outside the window than it is an actual reference to the site being scary or something. It never really was intended to be flat-out scary or anything. Some people still fail to understand that. Even if it WAS scary, anything that is SUPPOSED to be frightening that refers to itself as such is just plain cheesy. Not my style. Little known fact: I have often entertained the idea of ditching the name Bad Scary Place and renaming the site “The Umbrella Graveyard.” However, now that the site has caught on so much and refers to itself in SO many places as the BSP, it’s a little too late now. Who knows though, the Umbrella Graveyard may very well become a subdimension of the BSP, just like Menthol Tunnels (ever been there?).

As far as the “theme,” well, you’re correct about there being an underlying “story” beneath the bizarre surface of the BSP. The story is first-person. YOU (whoever is clicking through the site) are the main character, though I never formally explain that because doing so would be tacky and clunky and corny. However, while you are the star, Morris the mailman is the catalyst. Morris the mailman was *originally* Morris the milkman, who came from an old 4-track song I did in high school. The song, “Charlie Jones” was on a little underground cassette release that I distributed within my school, and Charlie’s wife runs off with Morris the milkman in the song. Interestingly enough, the tape (“Underground Noise Museum” – referring to being PHYSICALLY underground, not referring to being “too cool” for the mainstream or some nonsense) had a liner-note booklet (on standard 8.5×11″ paper) that came with it… much of the artwork from those liner notes is now in the BSP (i.e. the black and white picture on this page, the picture of someone shooting up on this pagethis image, which is the background for a BSP page, etc.). I can’t go too in-depth about the plot of the whole deal, but (as you may have discovered on a later page) it involves Morris slipping some kind of substance into your drink at a company party (held in a courtyard) and you waking up elsewhere. What else has happened in the mean time? What WILL happen coming up? That remains to be seen or may already be defined somewhere, somehow within the BSP. Some “chapters” of the story are much more literal than others. Some segments may be completely in metaphor and based in images rather than text.

Read the rest at Silverladder.

Vignette I: and so socrates said, “well make that a double”

Vignette I: and so socrates said, “well make that a double”

from the tentatively entitled: “house of the yellow lichen” (to be a lovecraftian horror by way of burroughs/thompson in the vein of philip k. dick)

Vignette I: and so socrates said, “well make that a double”

Consider it screwed:

you know though, it’s probably best not to take most of what i say without a dose of salt (and maybe a tablespoon of activated charcoal if you have any about). i don’t know what it is i’ve got but i’m pretty certain by now it’s contagious and it may very well spread as easily through thought as any other vector. orgonian overdose? mk-ultra? electromagnetic pollution? satellite array transmitted assassination networks (SATAN, for short), i dunno what it is these days but lately it’s like a constant headache, fog or else a mania. Feel my brain all tingly…I wonder if listening to black metal while generating new neurons will have any repercussions?

Better than my old buddy “big red’s” idea though surely: Huff raid, he said, it only kills the weak braincells

oh well, at least i’ve been recording/documenting all i’ve seen and thought i saw. all the connections i mined or imagined. I’m a goof, sure but sometimes I’m pretty sure that maybe deep down I could be great undifferentiated connective tissue, too…

i will never forget the first story i was told when i finally made it to the yellow house:
It was up here in Northern Cali, maybe Ukiah but I think probably more like Garberville, I knew a guy who would crystalize Raid by spraying it on an electrified screen. He would scrape it off and bag it up and sell it as speed. Apparently, the pyrethrins short circuit your nerves and create an amphetamine like sensation…as they DIE.

Well that’s a nifty recipe for a hot shot. I exhaled, remembering the ridiculous trek following Nathan (not the Nathan I had come to McKinleyville, home of the largest totem pole in North America to see, but it seemed portentous at the time, so I followed) that ended with me in the middle of nowhere, dressed in leather fringe and tight, paint stained purple denim, twisted ankle throbbing in Burbank cast off mock-moccasins). That needs to go into a story though, I thought to myself.

True story. He said. I watched him do it.
Whoof… I barked, just under my breath
Yeh…it was brutal. His old lady had a smack habit. Dope don’t buy itself. Caveat emptor..
Yikes, cuz what fun is fucking a girl to death when you could see her die so much more slowly by letting her boyfriend fuck HIM to death and let her live with THAT debt

Hey, you roll the dice, you takes your chances…

i need to get on with it though, at least draw together the important parts, let you make of it what you will. something about a psychedelic sentient lichen and that place they called the house near hootenannie where
the floor rotting in was nothing to the mist of must that gently constricted and tickled the inner soft fleshy palate of throat flesh
then there was
the society of seekers scene, only known as the society of seekers to hangers-on, “prospects” and the scant group of researchers who seem themselves nearly as cultish and obsessed. society members (most of whom manage to evade any public note apart from basic census data)

on your role, complete in every detail, the rollercoasterdips and dives
i’m getting off track again though, aren’t i. this always happened. the weird, wired way my brain worked, the way i thought in a sort of web, wrought with recursive loops. sometimes i drop the golden thread entirely, at that point i’m done for.

like, have you ever woke up, either from anesthesia, being knocked in the head hard enough to cause a concussion or the wrong combination of compounds? that first second, the sort of ether huffing, laughing gas “wah wah” that you get from good model glue, the warmth in the pit of your cheeks and then the brightness and a sense of overhwelming “okayness” followed by a swift and sharp panic, of “where am i, what just happened, hasn’t this happened before, who am i?”


GoFundMe For Cervical Spinal Surgery

I was urged by friends for months to start a GoFundMe to help raise the money I will need for surgery. I’m going to need at least $8000-13,000. As is, if you weren’t aware, I’m stuck here on my side or back wearing a foam neck brace and cervical collar day and night apart from in the shower. And, not to be gross, but I generally just scrub up outside the shower while sitting on the toilet unless I’m sweaty and starting to stink because my balance is a bit off and I can’t afford a fall. Doctors and surgeons I have seen have told me a hard fall could lead to at best incontinence, at worse quadriplegia or death by asphyxiation. As a “long haired country boy” I don’t like to ask anybody for anything I can’t get on my own, but I honestly won’t be able to get this done without help. In fact, I even had to cut the long hair because it kept getting stuck in the neck brace and cervical collar velcro.

With the pandemic and lockdowns going on, it’s economically unstable times for a lot of people, so please, if you are considering giving, don’t unless you can absolutely afford it without having to skip out on frills and niceties you enjoy and definitely not if it means putting you in a financial bind. That said, if you are able and want to help it is absolutely greatly appreciated. I’ve already been overwhelmed by the support, not only financial but just as important, emotional support from so many people.

Haven’t done an update in a while and after typing up several paragraphs browser crashed so here I go again lol. The last couple weeks have been pretty rough. Pain and insomnia were at their height last week but from early Friday evening till Monday morning I basically hibernated just waking up intermittently for a few hours, putting on some documentaries and passing back out. My mood was getting pretty low last week from a mixture of anxiety, pain and lack of sleep but getting some good rest improved the pain which also improved my mood. Need to file taxes in the next few days so can’t afford to get depressed and demotivated.

Speaking of mood, one of the things keeping me afloat has been the immense, even overwhelming amount of love and support I’ve received via emails, calls and DMs. With the pandemic and lockdown going on, I know not everyone can donate, but the emotional support is appreciated. Apologies for my lag in responding, I’m still not able to sit up for extended periods and really don’t like being relegated to touchscreen for communication and having spent close to a half a year mostly on my side or back with a foam neck brace and uncomfortable hard cervical collar. As a result, sometimes the days seem to run into each other.

It’s been a very difficult year but I have to say, it’s also been paradoxically a very heartening year. As I’ve mentioned to some people, it’s kind of like It’s a Wonderful Life only instead of trying to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge it was being nearly crippled by a massage that led to the realization that apparently I make some kind of impact on the world, even if it’s just a small one to a small group of people. For everyone who has offered any emotional or financial support during this whole situation, I can’t explain how much it means to me. I only hope that when all this is finally resolved I can find a way to pay back or pay forward for everyone who has helped keep me afloat.

For the record, the first draft of this was slightly better, but hopefully the sentiment still shines through. In short, thank you so much everyone.

through the plastic screen Podcast debuts!

Will be doing a podcast, got some great guests lined up. Will probably post the first 30-45 minutes free on the various podcast sites (stitcher, spreaker, pandora, fm player, buzzsprout and others) and share the full episodes here at Patreon. First episode is a snippet from PI Ed Opperman’s interview with me about my recent book, it was a Patreon exclusive but he gave me permission to share a portion of the interview, for just $3/mo. You can get access to documents, interviews and more from Ed, highly recommend if you’re interested in true crime, corruption and parapolitics.

PI Ed Opperman is one of the first folks who was tracking down Epstein years before MSM caught on, years before he was a household name. He was also involved in uncovering the secret service underage sex scandal in Colombia using his skills as a forensic investigator. He’s appeared on multiple major news outlets and interviewed best selling authors, experts of all stripes and high caliber parapolitical researchers and authors so I’m always honored when I get a chance to do the show.
My latest appearance on the Opperman Report was in February, it ran on about a half dozen FM stations and a few more on the AM band, but the full episode is a Patreon exclusive online. Luckily, Ed gave me permission to share a snippet of that interview here where I talk about my book Pedogate Primer: the politics of pedophilia. Conversation runs from whether I know who Q really is to the DOD child porn scandal and Project Flicker to CIA’s mind control experiment MK-Ultra and the False Memory Syndrome Foundation and more. If you enjoy the show, you can find my other two episodes of the Opperman Report on YouTube, at Stitcher and Spreaker or by going to and clicking on the interviews tab at the top. If you like what you hear, I recommend checking out his patreon for exclusive documents, court filings, exclusive Patreon only interviews and more and don’t forget you can find my book Pedogate Primer at Amazon for Kindle, Kindle Unlimited or in paperback as well as through Barnes and Noble and a couple of other sites.

Check out episode 1 below and expect new episodes to drop each Thursday.