I was urged by friends for months to start a GoFundMe to help raise the money I will need for surgery. I’m going to need at least $8000-13,000. As is, if you weren’t aware, I’m stuck here on my side or back wearing a foam neck brace and cervical collar day and night apart from in the shower. And, not to be gross, but I generally just scrub up outside the shower while sitting on the toilet unless I’m sweaty and starting to stink because my balance is a bit off and I can’t afford a fall. Doctors and surgeons I have seen have told me a hard fall could lead to at best incontinence, at worse quadriplegia or death by asphyxiation. As a “long haired country boy” I don’t like to ask anybody for anything I can’t get on my own, but I honestly won’t be able to get this done without help. In fact, I even had to cut the long hair because it kept getting stuck in the neck brace and cervical collar velcro.
With the pandemic and lockdowns going on, it’s economically unstable times for a lot of people, so please, if you are considering giving, don’t unless you can absolutely afford it without having to skip out on frills and niceties you enjoy and definitely not if it means putting you in a financial bind. That said, if you are able and want to help it is absolutely greatly appreciated. I’ve already been overwhelmed by the support, not only financial but just as important, emotional support from so many people.
Haven’t done an update in a while and after typing up several paragraphs browser crashed so here I go again lol. The last couple weeks have been pretty rough. Pain and insomnia were at their height last week but from early Friday evening till Monday morning I basically hibernated just waking up intermittently for a few hours, putting on some documentaries and passing back out. My mood was getting pretty low last week from a mixture of anxiety, pain and lack of sleep but getting some good rest improved the pain which also improved my mood. Need to file taxes in the next few days so can’t afford to get depressed and demotivated.
Speaking of mood, one of the things keeping me afloat has been the immense, even overwhelming amount of love and support I’ve received via emails, calls and DMs. With the pandemic and lockdown going on, I know not everyone can donate, but the emotional support is appreciated. Apologies for my lag in responding, I’m still not able to sit up for extended periods and really don’t like being relegated to touchscreen for communication and having spent close to a half a year mostly on my side or back with a foam neck brace and uncomfortable hard cervical collar. As a result, sometimes the days seem to run into each other.
It’s been a very difficult year but I have to say, it’s also been paradoxically a very heartening year. As I’ve mentioned to some people, it’s kind of like It’s a Wonderful Life only instead of trying to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge it was being nearly crippled by a massage that led to the realization that apparently I make some kind of impact on the world, even if it’s just a small one to a small group of people. For everyone who has offered any emotional or financial support during this whole situation, I can’t explain how much it means to me. I only hope that when all this is finally resolved I can find a way to pay back or pay forward for everyone who has helped keep me afloat.
For the record, the first draft of this was slightly better, but hopefully the sentiment still shines through. In short, thank you so much everyone.
Phil Fairbanks: portfolio 